i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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