areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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