Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sorry my hands just texted you
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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