I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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