I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
