i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
