It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
