We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
