My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize