Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
