What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
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