420 ftw
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
