ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
