i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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