Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize