Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
