Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
