There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
