I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
