just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
