Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
