I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
