Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize