I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
