Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize