He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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