Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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