dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
