I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
