The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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