i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
