So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
