we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
