Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
40s are totally the cure
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
