Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize