i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
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