is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
