last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
