i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
