last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
