i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
