That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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