i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think your dad took our porno
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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