Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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