my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
