Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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