My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She's the barista slut.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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