I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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