I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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