Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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