I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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