she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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