He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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