maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
