kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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