The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
