Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
