you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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