i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
