I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
