I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Mom said you looked used
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
