If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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