Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
