threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So vagazzling was a success
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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