i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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