i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
